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Friday’s horrific national tragedy—the murder of 20 children and six adults at Sandy Hook Elementary School in New Town, Connecticut—has ignited a new discussion on violence in America. ” “You can’t wear whatever pants you want to,” I said, my tone affable, reasonable. You’re grounded from electronics for the rest of the day. A few weeks ago, Michael pulled a knife and threatened to kill me and then himself after I asked him to return his overdue library books.In kitchens and coffee shops across the country, we tearfully debate the many faces of violence in America: gun culture, media violence, lack of mental health services, overt and covert wars abroad, religion, politics and the way we raise our children. Now get in the car, and I will take you to school.” I live with a son who is mentally ill. His 7 and 9 year old siblings knew the safety plan—they ran to the car and locked the doors before I even asked them to.Liza Long, a writer based in Boise, says it’s easy to talk about guns. Three days before 20 year-old Adam Lanza killed his mother, then opened fire on a classroom full of Connecticut kindergartners, my 13-year old son Michael (name changed) missed his bus because he was wearing the wrong color pants. I managed to get the knife from Michael, then methodically collected all the sharp objects in the house into a single Tupperware container that now travels with me.

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That conflict ended with three burly police officers and a paramedic wrestling my son onto a gurney for an expensive ambulance ride to the local emergency room. ” I pulled up in front of the hospital, frantically waiving for one of the clinicians who happened to be standing outside. “Hurry.” Michael was in a full-blown fit by then, screaming and hitting.

The mental hospital didn’t have any beds that day, and Michael calmed down nicely in the ER, so they sent us home with a prescription for Zyprexa and a follow-up visit with a local pediatric psychiatrist. Autism spectrum, ADHD, Oppositional Defiant or Intermittent Explosive Disorder have all been tossed around at various meetings with probation officers and social workers and counselors and teachers and school administrators. And it’s impossible to predict what will set him off. I hugged him close so he couldn’t escape from the car.

He’s been on a slew of antipsychotic and mood altering pharmaceuticals, a Russian novel of behavioral plans. At the start of seventh grade, Michael was accepted to an accelerated program for highly gifted math and science students. When he’s in a good mood, he will gladly bend your ear on subjects ranging from Greek mythology to the differences between Einsteinian and Newtonian physics to Doctor Who. Several weeks into his new junior high school, Michael began exhibiting increasingly odd and threatening behaviors at school. He bit me several times and repeatedly jabbed his elbows into my rib cage.

We decided to transfer him to the district’s most restrictive behavioral program, a contained school environment where children who can’t function in normal classrooms can access their right to free public babysitting from - Monday through Friday until they turn 18. I’m still stronger than he is, but I won’t be for much longer. does your child have…” At least we have health insurance now. In the wake of another horrific national tragedy, it’s easy to talk about guns. According to Mother Jones, since 1982, 61 mass murders involving firearms have occurred throughout the country.

The morning of the pants incident, Michael continued to argue with me on the drive. The police came quickly and carried my son screaming and kicking into the bowels of the hospital. I recently accepted a position with a local college, giving up my freelance career because when you have a kid like this, you need benefits. No individual insurance plan will cover this kind of thing. Of these, 43 of the killers were white males, and only one was a woman.

He would occasionally apologize and seem remorseful. “You cannot act the way you acted this morning and think you can get your electronic privileges back that quickly.” His face turned cold, and his eyes were full of calculated rage. “I’m going to jump out of this car right now and kill myself.” That was it. I started to shake, and tears filled my eyes as I filled out the paperwork—“Were there any difficulties with… For days, my son insisted that I was lying—that I made the whole thing up so that I could get rid of him. Mother Jones focused on whether the killers obtained their guns legally (most did). When I asked my son’s social worker about my options, he said that the only thing I could do was to get Michael charged with a crime.Right before we turned into his school parking lot, he said, “Look, Mom, I’m really sorry. After the knife incident, I told him that if he ever said those words again, I would take him straight to the mental hospital, no ifs, ands, or buts. The first day, when I called to check up on him, he said, “I hate you. On the intake form, under the question, “What are your expectations for treatment? This problem is too big for me to handle on my own. So you just pray for grace and trust that in hindsight, it will all make sense. But this highly visible sign of mental illness should lead us to consider how many people in the U. “If he’s back in the system, they’ll create a paper trail,” he said.I did not respond, except to pull the car into the opposite lane, turning left instead of right. And I’m going to get my revenge as soon as I get out of here.” By day three, he was my calm, sweet boy again, all apologies and promises to get better. I am sharing this story because I am Adam Lanza’s mother. “That’s the only way you’re ever going to get anything done.No one will pay attention to you unless you’ve got charges.” I don’t believe my son belongs in jail.The chaotic environment exacerbates Michael’s sensitivity to sensory stimuli and doesn’t deal with the underlying pathology.But it seems like the United States is using prison as the solution of choice for mentally ill people.

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